Finding the Silver Lining
Unsurprisingly, I took a myriad of extracurriculars as a child, including gymnastics, choir, debate, and a very brief stint with the violin that ended nowhere. These classes allowed me to pad my university application with claims of varied talents, though one that still sticks to me today is ballet. Don’t get me wrong, I loved dancing and I will acknowledge that I was, and still am, incredibly privileged. In fact, I still retain much of the good training and teachings from primary school and ballet. But I don’t think I was often happy with myself.
I started dancing when I was three and continued all the way till I was 16 and at the end of Grade 8. Ballet instilled in me an almost excessive sense of self-criticism. Growing up in an environment with a huge demand for physical performance, I inspected my technique, my posture, my timing with a magnifying glass, and that pushed over to my body image. I was never satisfied with my appearance and fuelled by my teacher’s never-ending comments about straight backs, lean limbs and flat stomachs, I didn’t think I was good enough. I won’t and would ever dare to compare myself to those whose experiences have been much much worse, but nevertheless, it had an impact on my mentality for a while.
Social media was also another mountain to climb. It is an incredibly useful tool and one that I am currently using, with huge results and consequent side effects. Communication is a breeze, with people only a simple text away. But it also allows us access to celebrities and models, which opens up the door for self-consciousness and envy to slide in. I won’t lie and say I have never been jealous of famous, rich people with luxury lifestyles and looks to match. We’ve all been there. But because they seemed so utterly unattainable, I never pushed myself to try and reach those standards.
I’ve come to realise that I should be finding satisfaction in myself and what I have now. It definitely took a while for me to start changing my mentality, and arguably it should have occurred sooner. But it’s better late than never, and I’m truly trying. Instead of picking out the traits I hated about myself, maybe I could find something I liked that particular day, or wear a shirt that I felt good in. Dress up a little bit for socials (over Zoom of course!) or try something new with my hair even if I’m not leaving the house. No matter the circumstances, there is always a silver lining, and it is up to us to find it.
If you liked this post, stick around and follow for more! I’m a new blogger but more to come soon :)
Last week was World Mental Health Day (Oct 10th), and this week also had Spirit Day (Oct 15th). I would really appreciate it if you would kindly check out the Mind charity, or GLAAD’s website for ways that you can support mental health and the LGBTQ+ community, especially in this time for change.
